like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
