im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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