i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
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im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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