If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
