like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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