I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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