i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
