Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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