sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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