you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
