and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
