So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
only you would photoshop your dick
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
