girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
