i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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