New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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