hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
