I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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