I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
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Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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