3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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