guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
