i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
