so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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