I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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