Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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