u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
