someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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