the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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