He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
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His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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