dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
