ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
