Me. At least after what I've been through.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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