I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
