I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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