Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize