OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is Oprah even human
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
