He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
