So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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