They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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