some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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