We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
