she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
