I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
