there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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