So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
