"it" just moved
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
