My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
