I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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