I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
