oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
