I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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