I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
