do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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