I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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