Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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