He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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