He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
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sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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