mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
