I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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