C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
