I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
