Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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