So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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