in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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